Weak

Today while walking towards the car I wondered why I chose to do this. To go to the office. To run this thing with the family. To help these other business owners get their stuff out there.

It’s a constant internal struggle. I want so much to stop being involved in the material world. But the things I want to do and the lifestyle I enjoy is much easier with this safety net.

Except, I am giving up my life for it. I know this. I feel this so clearly. Am I a weakling if I stay here? Or am I one if I leave? I’m not sure.

If there’s a clear sign to say that I’m weak because I’m staying, I’d make sure to leave. If there’s one to say I’m weak because I want to leave, I know I’d fight to stay.

But there’s no sign, no indication of anything. Because this isn’t a story written about the past. This is the present I’m in and I don’t know what the future is like yet.

What would I regret more?