Have you ever stayed in a hospital overnight before? I asked C. What do you mean? He asked incredulously. Yes, when I went for my surgery.
Oh you were there overnight? Was that your first time? No. I stayed that time when my nose bled.
Were you alone? My mother stayed with me.
I just had this exchange with C because I started reading a book that had a description about how time didn’t exist in the hospital, much like in clockless casinos.
I’ve never slept in a hospital overnight, I told C. Choy! Dai Ga Lei Si.
This reminded me of when my mother had cancer and was in the hospital for a time. I remember thinking how we’re truly just alone in birth and in death.
Nobody else really understands the amount or level of pain that you feel, you can really only rely on yourself to get through it.
“Was it scary? I imagine it to be scary.”
“I guess I will know what it’s like in the future.”
Like being in the plane where they artificially dim the lights for night time and people speak in hushed tones, nurses or air stewards and stewardesses walk around doing their thing?
That’s what I think being in the hospital at night feels like.
One day I will look back and imagine what it’s like to be me now. To not have to go through sleeping overnight in a hospital, feeling all alone in the world.
So I thought I’d record this here because one day when that comes I’d like to remember what it’s like. To not know. There was once when I did not know.
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